When I Lower Myself, Conflict Lessens

Everyone has their own thoughts. Based on what we have seen, what we know, and what we have experienced, we come to insist, "This is right" and "My words are correct." But when that mind becomes excessive, even small matters become conflict, and conversation easily turns into collision.

There is a saying in the teaching:

"If you gather yourself in and follow others, all matters are resolved; if you gather others in and make them follow you, all matters arise in contention."

This does not mean that we must unconditionally discard our own thoughts and be pulled along by another person's will. It means we should put down the self-view and stubbornness that cling to only our own thought as right, and also look at the other person's words and position.

Clear facts can be checked. Matters where we can objectively see who is right or wrong can be examined quietly. But many conflicts begin not from a question of fact, but from a question of mind. When the wish to be acknowledged, to have things go our way, and to make the other person follow us grows strong, relationships easily go astray.

Lowering myself is not becoming weak. Rather, it is the strength to govern my own mind. When I can lightly set down my opinion and listen to another person's words, space arises in the mind and a path opens in the relationship.

Of course, necessary words must be spoken. In positions of responsibility, there are times when we must speak clearly and correct what should be corrected. Even then, we should speak with wisdom and care rather than pushing forward with self-attachment and emotion. The wish to go rightly together should come before the wish to defeat the other person.

Today, may we not put only our own claim first, but gather ourselves in a little, look into the other person's mind, and choose harmony over conflict.