The Mind That Chooses Love Over Respect

Everyone wants to be loved, and everyone also wants to be respected. Especially when we believe we are right, or when we are in a position of responsibility, the wish can arise for the other person to recognize us and follow us.

But when the desire to be respected becomes excessive, an invisible sense of high and low can easily arise in a relationship. When the mind that says, "They should acknowledge me, follow my words, and raise me up" grows strong, love cannot flow naturally.

Love is a mind that embraces. It is the mind that tries to understand even another person's shortcomings and differences, rather than trying to make them fit our own will. By contrast, if we excessively seek only respect, a sense of distance appears between us and the other person, and the relationship may move more toward hierarchy than warmth.

Of course, love alone is not always enough. If love flows into attachment, it tries to possess the other person. If respect flows into attachment, it may turn the other person into an idol or create distance. For this reason, wisdom and compassion must always be present together in relationships.

When there is wisdom, love does not become attachment. When there is compassion, respect does not become cold distance. When wisdom and compassion are together, love becomes both warm and upright, and respect becomes both deep and comfortable.

What matters in relationships is not making the other person follow our own will. It is the mind that understands and looks after one another, moving together in a better direction.

Today, may we bring forth the mind to love and understand before the mind that wants to be respected, and may we cultivate warm relationships with wisdom and compassion.